


i’ll be safe in your sound til i come back around

by rippedjuns



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Cheol Can’t Get Over Shua, Cheol Can’t Move On, Dunno Why Tho LMAO, Guilt, Heavy Angst, I Was Feeling Sad When I Wrote This, M/M, Post-Break Up, Regret, Shua Already Has, Songfic, lots of sadness, some texts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 10:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18892744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rippedjuns/pseuds/rippedjuns
Summary: seungcheol’s chasing after a star he can’t reach anymore, drifting further and further away from jisoo’s orbit when all he wants to do is feel his warmth again.





	i’ll be safe in your sound til i come back around

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this on impulse sksksk iVE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE FLUFF FOR AGES WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME  
> i hope you like it tho sjsjs it’s not my best art but hey ho lmao
> 
> song - somebody you loved by lewis capaldi

his finger waivered over the send button, all of his body shivering despite the moon cloaking his being and the duvet choking his figure.

 

_➤ i miss you, jisoo_

 

it was only a simple four word sentence, so why was seungcheol finding it so hard to press the button? why was his heart pulling his hand away from his phone? everything else was telling him that this was not a good idea - it was fucking obvious that jisoo had moved on, any man or woman could see it. jisoo was constantly smiling in his instagram pictures, interacting with his friends on twitter as if there was nothing wrong with the world, and posting his life on snapchat as if seungcheol was never once a part of it.

 

a piece of seungcheol’s heart still belonged with jisoo. no matter how hard he tried to convince himself, no matter how many dates he would go on and how many men he would take to the bedroom, the boy knew that it was physically impossible to get over the american. he was comparing everything to jisoo, using metaphors that even romeo would be envious of not thinking about, and every little thing reminded him of his past lover. that one radio jingle that comes on every morning at each hour; the brownie slices that sit on the bakery window on his way to work; the alley cat that would come out to play on his way home from shopping. jisoo left a impact on his life that seungcheol can’t seem to erase, no matter how many rubbers he uses.

 

jisoo was the best thing that ever happened to seungcheol, the pinnacle of his existence, the climax of his tragedy. the young american had the older wrapped around his finger, seungcheol willing to bend over backwards to make jisoo fall in love with him like how he fell for the latter. everything about the american made seungcheol’s soul flutter, and his knees become jelly, and his heart become putty in jisoo’s hands. jisoo well and truly owned seungcheol’s love, and soon enough, seungcheol managed to own the privilege too.

 

such power came with such responsibility, and seungcheol believed he had it under control. he would greet his boyfriend in the morning with his favourite herbal tea, walk him to his office and wave him off with a kiss on the lips; he would bring a peach-tinted umbrella to protect jisoo from the gods’ jealous tears, cuddle him at home with the warmth of each other’s bodies to make up for their broken radiators. the routine was simplistic, yet it was perfect in the older’s eyes. being able to see jisoo’s spectualor, golden, award-winning smile would be enough to make his day, but he was given such an honour to live up to, the pride feeling similar to a knighthood. he wanted to be jisoo’s knight in shining armour. he hoped he was. for a long while, seungcheol thought he had his whole life set ahead of him: he was ready to marry jisoo, ready to see the younger walk down the carpeted aisle, ready to say ‘i do’ to the only man on his earth.

 

albeit, he hit a row of dominoes.

 

_➤ fuck it, i love you still_

_➤ i miss you so much_

_➤ i never felt true pain until we broke up_

_➤ i need you, jisoo_

_➤ jisoo… please…_

 

he lost control of all rational thought, just like he did on that night. that damned night. if he owned a time machine, he would go back and change everything, remind jisoo that he didn’t have any logical thought functioning that day, tell jisoo that he would never hurt him because seeing him sad breaks his heart like a champagne glass, show jisoo that his love is still stronger than the earth’s magnetic fields all this time later. yet, he was stuck in the present, rewinding the excruciating painful moment back in his mind over and over like broken projector. he was repressing the joyful memories of donkey back rides and late night stargazing, and instead all that circulated his head was the screams and the shouts and the tears. the idiotic words spilling from his lips like vodka from a cup, the vicious outbursts causing pyroclastic flows to spit from his mouth. seungcheol regretted every single sentence: jisoo _wasn’t_ a burden, jisoo _wasn’t_ a pain in the arse, jisoo _wasn’t_ an invasive piece of shit. jisoo didn’t have a bad bone in his body, and seungcheol didn’t know how those accusations even came to light. there was no darkness to brew them in the first place.

 

all he wanted to do now was to hug jisoo, but now he was too afraid of breaking him, as if the boy was fine china.

 

it wasn’t jisoo who was broken anyways - the american was living his best life with friends who cared for him and believed that he isn’t a burden or a waste of human life - it was choi seungcheol, the perpetrator, who felt the biggest aftershock in the quake of their relationship. the rest of seungcheol’s time was spent chasing after jisoo, trying to contact the boy, trying to meet eyes across the coffee shop with the boy, trying to gain back his beloved trust with the boy. nevertheless, whatever is broken is harder to fix, and jisoo always seemed to push him away. 

 

_➤ please jisoo! you know i’m sorry!_

_➤ i’ll do anything for you!_

_➤ i’ll humiliate myself in front of the whole world for you!_

_➤ tell the world how much of a fucking bastard i am for hurting you!_

_➤ because you know i’d do anything for you!_

_➤ i do love you after all_

_➤ even after all this time_

_➤ i love you so much_

_➤ i love you, hong jisoo_

_➤ i love you_

 

no matter how desperate seungcheol became, no matter how many text messages he sent or how many visits he made to jisoo’s deserted apartment, no matter how many times he apologised for his stupid actions, jisoo kept on pulling the rug on him. jisoo didn’t feel the same for him anymore, he moved on too soon for seungcheol to catch up with, leaving the older to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts he left behind. jisoo took seungcheol’s hobbies and fears, his passions and dreams, his closest friends and most distant enemies, everything that made seungcheol’s livelihood was snatched from his being. he turned friends against him, he attended every club he knew seungcheol had a passion for, he continued to appear in seungcheol’s head at night. why was he trying to taunt the older? why was he so desperate to drive him away into a spiralling pit of sorrow? seungcheol spent years trying to figure that one out, but it always led back to his personal guilt.

 

the one thing jisoo failed for rid from seungcheol though was hope. hope that one day jisoo would come running back into his arms in forgiveness; hope that one day everything could go back to the way it was prior to this mess; hope that one day seungcheol’s love can be requited again and his heart can leap with joy instead of in agony. he continued to power his hope, messaging his beloved and begging for forgiveness, yet every attempt ended in a question of why did he bother? no matter how strong seungcheol’s love had become, and how deeply he rooted his regrets into his messages, jisoo’s response was always the same as the time before.

 

_✓ read_

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> ☆ thank you for reading! ☆


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